Arrival Fallacy - When Your Dreams Don't Make You Happy
到着の誤謬とは、一度目標に到達すると、永続的な幸福を経験できるという誤った仮定です。人生の目標を達成するために一生懸命働いたのに、ゴールラインに到達すると幸福感よりも憂鬱とストレスでいっぱいになってしまった、という経験はありませんか? もしそうなら、到着の誤謬を経験している可能性があります。(English) The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that once you reach a goal, you will experience lasting happiness. Have you ever had the experience of working hard to achieve a goal in life, only to find that when you reach the finish line, you're filled with depression and stress rather than happiness? If so, you may be experiencing the arrival fallacy.
Arrival Fallacy - When Your Dreams Don't Make You Happy
Do you have a goal you want to achieve before your next birthday? Or by the end of the decade, perhaps?
We often hear about the importance of setting goals, even visualising them to help motivate us. We may think of these goals as the key to our happiness — achieve them and everything will be perfect.
But have you ever reached a goal and instead of feeling happy, you've thought, "Is that it?" Or, "Now what?"
That feeling has a name. Author Tal Ben-Shahar, who wrote the 2008 book Happier, calls it "arrival fallacy" — the illusion that reaching our goals will bring us lasting happiness.
Whether it's a new job, owning your dream home or anything else — there might be some initial joy, but if you're experiencing arrival fallacy, that may be followed by emptiness and pressure to achieve something new.
So why does this happen? Surely achieving our goals is enough to make us happy?
Not always. According to experts, we might be overestimating the happiness that such achievements will bring.
And social scientist Adam Dorr says we often make the mistake of imagining our goal as a fixed object, when really it's just part of the constantly moving conveyor belt of life.
But Ben-Shahar adds that arrival fallacy doesn't mean we shouldn't set ourselves goals — in fact, we need them to help give our lives focus. They just don't need to be put on pedestals.
As well as large things, our goals should include many small things, like helping out more around the house or spending more time with family — small but important goals that don't just "end."
If we really want to beat arrival fallacy, we also have to work out what makes us happy. And in surveys, spending quality time with people we care about is often number one for happiness.
Even if we do have clear career goals or personal ambitions, experts remind us to think about enjoying the journey too — and not just the destination.
//New words//
Fallacy: an idea or belief that is false
The belief that money will bring you happiness is a fallacy.
Visualise: to create an image of something in one's mind
When I imagine my dream home, I picture a house by the sea.
Illusion: an appearance or feeling that seems to exist but does not
People often use social media to create the illusion that they have a perfect life.
Emptiness: the quality of having no purpose, meaning, or value
I felt nothing but emptiness after my dog passed away.
Overestimate: to think that something is bigger, better, etc. than it actually is
The agent overestimated the value of the house, so it stayed on the market for a long time.
Put on a pedestal: to consider someone or something to be better, more important, etc. than they really are
Celebrities are often put on a pedestal, even though they're just ordinary people.
//Discussion//
1. What are your thoughts on the arrival fallacy? Have you ever experienced it?
->
It has been said that setting goals is a good thing.
Especially in business and school, I learned that you should have a clear purpose and daily action.
However, I still felt uncomfortable.
Yes, because right now, I feel uneasy.
Instead of "What are your goals?" I prefer to ask another question: "Why is this a problem for you?"
As you ask this question repeatedly, the real problem will become apparent, and you can relax.
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How to use your brain to achieve goals that are used in NLP
https://sarhato.falf.jp/nlp/nlp-c8/
A) How to ask questions that focus on desired states and desired outcomes using NLP skills
1. What exactly is your desired result? (outcome = goal)
2. How will you know when the results are in your hands? (evidence, proof)
3. When, where, and with whom do you create results? (situation)
4. What happens when you get it? (ecology check)
4-A) What resources do you already have? (resource)
4-B) What more resources do you need to get the results?
5. What is currently stopping you from getting results? (limit)
6. What does getting results mean to you?
7. So, what's your first move? What do you start with? (action plan)
B) How to ask questions to move from problem understanding to solution using NLP skills
1. What is your current problem?
2. Why is this a problem for you?
3. How long have you been having this problem?
4. When was the worst?
5. Who caused this problem?
6. What limitations does this issue have on you?
7. What is your desired state? What is the result you want to get?
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2. When was the last time you achieved a goal? How did you feel?
->
I broke 100 in my golf score last year.
It's been a long time since I've taken a golf lesson, and I was happy to see the results.
However, I've changed it to improve my swing, so my good shots aren't consistent.
As a result, my score is getting worse, but I'm getting better shots, so maybe I can get an even better score.
3. Are you in the habit of writing down your goals for the future?
->
No, I don't have such customs.
I used to write many things in my notebook, but now I don't.
I may be able to talk or consult with someone instead.
However, I think that big goals do not have to be precise.
My big goal is to cherish the people around me, feel happiness and love, and acquire new knowledge and skills.
4. Do you have any small goals that you're working towards?
->
It is "don't make mistakes in business."
I rarely make typos, but sometimes I misread or misunderstand.
I tend to do a lot of work quickly, but on the other hand, I also need to research various information and proceed carefully.
5. Who are the most ambitious people you know?
->
I don't think there are many ambitious Japanese people.
However, the old generals were constantly at war to be on top.
Such as Nobunaga Oda, Hideyoshi Toyotomi, and Ieyasu Tokugawa these samurai were ambitious people.
Also, the presidents and prime ministers of each country are ambitious.
Motives aside, they will do whatever it takes to reach the top.
IT CEOs are also ambitious.
For example, they are Elon Musk, Samuel Altman, and Bill Gates.
They have the power to create new technologies one after another and change the world.
//Further Discussion//
6. What things tend to bring you the most happiness?
->
I feel happy when I mainly feel artistic and aesthetic sense, such as music, fine arts, and performing arts.
It is also essential to talk with family and friends, eat and travel.
7. Would you say that you spend enough quality time with friends and family?
->
Yes, post-Corona, we have a lot of time to spend.
Eating, playing golf, and travelling are precious and appreciated.
8. What's the happiest you've been lately? What made you so happy?
->
For the first time in four years, the famous local Sumida River Fireworks Festival was held, and my sister-in-law's whole family came to stay at my house.
I usually live in a house with my husband. When there are many families, it cannot be easy to prepare meals and accommodation, but I was able to have a joyful and meaningful time.
9. Who are the happiest people you know?
->
She is my paternal grandmother.
She had eight children and countless grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Despite many tragedies, such as World War II and the Great Kanto Earthquake, she ran the restaurant alone after her divorce and successfully raised her family.
When I was little, my family lived with my grandmother sometimes.
Her strong spirit lives on in me.
10. Happiness is not a goal... It's a by-product of a life well lived. — Eleanor Roosevelt. What are your thoughts on this statement?
->
Yes, I think so.
Everyone has different ideas about what makes them happy.
Before I can become happy, I think it is essential to do one thing at a time: create a better world, live with love and compassion, and improve my knowledge and skills.
Arrival Fallacy - When Your Dreams Don't Make You Happy
Add info)
Arrival Fallacy: Will Reaching a Goal Make You Happy?
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-arrival-fallacy-6561079
The Arrival Fallacy: Will achieving a goal make you happy?
A)
1)
The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that once you reach a goal, you will experience lasting happiness.
Have you ever had the experience of working hard to achieve a goal in life, only to find that when you reach the finish line, you're filled with depression and stress rather than happiness? If so, you may be experiencing the arrival fallacy.
2)
The Arrival Fallacy stems from the idea, ingrained in many of us since childhood, that the key to happiness is having a good job, making a lot of money, getting married, and achieving fame in our career - generally having a forward-thinking, goal-oriented mindset.
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3)
But research has shown that these things don't make us happy, at least not long-term.
Let's look at the Arrival Fallacy concept, its origin and importance, along with some tips on how to live happily - without the Arrival Fallacy getting in the way.
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History and concept of the Arrival Fallacy
The term 'arrival fallacy' was coined by Tal Ben-Shahar, who holds a PhD in organisational behaviour from Harvard University. Ben-Shahar is an author and well-known lecturer on happiness at Columbia University.
According to The New York Times, Ben-Shahar defines the arrival fallacy as a common illusion that achieving a specific goal will lead to happiness. He mentions that the arrival fallacy has been experienced by celebrities and other highly successful people with mental illness and substance abuse even after achieving their dreams.
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Ben-Shahar says that people who experience the arrival fallacy often start unhappy and reach for a goal that is supposed to cure their sadness. When they find that success doesn't fix their unhappiness, they are disappointed and may feel hopeless and depressed. Often, the arrival fallacy only makes the sadness and mental state worse.
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What causes the Arrival Fallacy?
There hasn't been much research into the Arrival Fallacy and what causes it, but there has been a mountain of research into what makes people happy.
When you look at the factors that make people happy, things like having meaningful relationships and learning to focus on the positive are at the top of the list. However, external successes such as money, career advancement and social status do not cut. Research has shown that these don't usually bring happiness - at least not long-term happiness.
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Nevertheless, society has ingrained in us that happiness is linked to achieving goals and being noticed by others. This idea is still widespread. For example, a 2014 Harvard study found that today's children are still fed the notion that achievement and personal success are the keys to happiness.
Furthermore, these qualities are emphasised over caring for others or being fair or just.
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Tips for overcoming the arrival fallacy
Experiencing the arrival fallacy is quite common, and it can be hard to cope if you feel depressed or stressed after reaching a long-awaited goal. Here are some tips for managing, moving through the feelings, and ultimately achieving lasting happiness.
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Focus on the process.
When we want to achieve a particular goal, we are usually hyper-focused on that goal and the happiness we expect it will bring us. However, focusing on the process rather than the end goal may be the key to happiness.
Research published in the Harvard Business Review found that when it comes to work, "small wins" make people happier than anything else. If employees feel they've achieved something daily - even if it's not a goal - they're more likely to feel motivated and satisfied.
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Research shows that supporting a person's progress means providing enough time and support, making clear goals and recognising every small achievement.
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Work on being present in the moment
If you focus on achieving happiness by reaching a goal, you live in the future rather than the present. Numerous studies have shown that to be happy, you must learn how to live in the present moment.
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Mindfulness helps
For example, a 2021 study found that people who practice mindfulness experience a greater sense of purpose in life and increased engagement in activities that make them happy.
In addition, a 2016 study found that people who practice meditation experience higher levels of self-compassion and happiness.
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Adding more mindfulness to your day can be easy. It can be achieved by starting a meditation practice (starting with just 5 minutes a day!) or simply taking time to stop what you are doing, breathe slowly and experience what it means to be present in your life.
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Take stock of the things that are proven to make people happy.
Based on 75 years of observing what makes people happy, Harvard research has found that true and lasting happiness comes down to a few basic things. First, the most satisfied people can let go of all the little annoyances and inconveniences of life and focus on the simple things that make them happy.
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Secondly, having warm connections with others brings people more happiness than any other kind of external success in life. According to the research, letting go of people who bring negativity into your life is also essential.
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Keep a gratitude journal
Taking stock of what is good in your life is another way to focus on the present moment rather than a future goal. It's also a great way to focus more on the things that bring you joy and prioritise them in your life. Research has shown that people who focus on what they are grateful for are less likely to experience stress and depression.
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Keeping a gratitude journal is one way to bring more gratitude into your day. This can be as simple as writing down one thing you are grateful for each day, such as how your child held your hand when you dropped them off at school or that you woke up and dressed despite feeling depressed.
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Consider therapy
If you are experiencing an episode of Arrival Fallacy that leaves you feeling depressed and anxious and having trouble shaking these feelings, you may want to consider therapy. Talking to a therapist is a good way of unpacking your feelings and finding ways of dealing with them.
Your therapist can also help you understand the mindset that has set you up for disappointment, even if you have achieved your goal, and help you learn more positive ways to deal with goal setting in the future.
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A word from Verywell
If the Arrival Fallacy is something you've experienced before or are dealing with now, know you're not alone. It's common for people to feel depressed, disappointed, anxious, stressed and even hopeless after achieving a goal. If you are having trouble coping with your feelings or are looking for ways to manage goal setting in the future, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor for support.