Shoji Kokami recommended a particular way of thinking based on the premise that "discrimination will not disappear."
差別感情に悩む接客業に携わる55歳の女性が、鴻上尚史さんに相談します。 鴻上氏は、差別はさまざまな形で現れるため、すべての差別を心からなくすことは不可能だと示唆します。 彼はアメリカの「慈善文化」を例に挙げて、内なる感情と外的な行動の違いを強調しています。 同氏は女性に対し、その行動は他人に影響を与えるため、自分の内なる感情よりも自分の行動に焦点を当てるようアドバイスしています。 鴻上氏は、自分の感情を理由に自分を憎むのではなく、「内側」と「外側」を区別して、自分の行動を公平に扱うよう努めるよう彼女に勧めます。(English) A 55-year-old woman in the hospitality industry, troubled by her discriminatory feelings, seeks advice from Shoji Kokami. Kokami suggests that it's impossible to eliminate all discrimination from one's heart, as it can manifest in various forms. He emphasizes the difference between internal feelings and external actions, drawing from American "charity culture" as an example. He advises the woman to focus on her actions rather than her inner feelings, as the behaviour impacts others. Kokami encourages her not to hate herself for her feelings but to strive for fair treatment in her actions, distinguishing between the "inner" and "outer".
A 55-year-old woman in the hospitality industry hates herself for her discriminatory feelings.
Shoji Kokami recommended a particular way of thinking based on the premise that "discrimination will not disappear." What kind of state of mind was that?
Shoji Kokami's Cheerful Life Counselling - Prescription for Living Comfortably in the Stifling "World"
A)
1)
A 55-year-old woman prided herself on being friendly and suitable for the hospitality industry but now realises that she has discriminatory feelings and hates herself.
What is the secret of "speaking like King Lear's eldest and second daughters" that Shoji Kokami recommends to her counsellor, who is worried about capturing her emotions?
B)
2)
Nice to meet you. At the moment, I work part-time in a coffee shop. It is a shop with many older adults and women because of its location.
On the outside, I am very outgoing and suited to the hospitality industry. Occasionally a female customer comes into the shop who may have some visual disability.
The store manager expressed a hint of disgust towards this customer, but I was proud that I was serving the same customer as other customers.
3)
However, the other day, another customer ordered the same menu at the same time as that customer, and I served the little ugly-looking menu to a person with a visual disability (probably). I felt she would never know.
I pretended to be a good person on the surface, but I felt I was discriminating against her.
I feel self-loathing because I thought expressing myself clearly, like the store manager, would be better.
4)
I hate myself for pretending to be a good person when I have a devious side in my heart. And I feel sorry for my friend who admires me as a good person.
I don't like people who discriminate because of their profession or status, but I felt the same way and was very depressed. But I also really want to treat them equally. How should I perceive it?
5)
[Answer from Mr Kougami]
Tron-san. Tron-san is an earnest person. That's because Tron-san is staring at his inner sense of discrimination.
I stare at it and think this is not right, but I am at a loss as to what to do. It's a frank attitude to say, "I hate myself for pretending to be a good person when I have a devious side in my heart.
6)
Tron-san. Soon I will write about what I think about the "discriminative mind".
I've already announced it elsewhere, so some people have read it, but I'll summarise it again.
C)
7)
Tron-san. To put it bluntly, it's impossible to eliminate 100% discrimination in the heart.
For example, people who do not discriminate based on ethnicity or birth may discriminate based on education, family background or ability. Even people who say they do not discriminate based on education, family background or knowledge may discriminate based on appearance, weight or height.
D)
8)
In other words, very few people can say, "I am 100% non-discriminatory", when they honestly look into their hearts.
Insensitive people are different. Instead, I think that if you look at yourself honestly, like Tron-san, you will find only a few per cent, or even a few per cent, of "discriminatory feelings".
9)
I'm not saying it can't be helped, but I try to distinguish between "what I think in my heart" and "what I express in my attitude and remarks".
I say this because I came into contact with America's "charity culture" and suddenly realised something.
10)
In America, every time there is hurricane damage or disaster, celebrities and wealthy people make donations. And in response, the American media and people praise it as excellent.
But in Japan, for example, celebrities who donated after the Great East Japan Earthquake were often called "hypocrisy" on the Internet.
It's because we Japanese tend to focus on our hearts first.
11)
For us Japanese, the problem is the same as "how to act towards a certain person", but more importantly, "how to feel towards a certain person". That's why we probably want to say "bonds" or "hearts as one" on the other side.
When I watch TV programmes, I see this word repeated endlessly in planning all kinds of sports and competitions. I don't think there's a programme that says "I won" or "I did it" that doesn't mention this word.
12)
America doesn't care about what's inside; it cares about behaviour. It's just my imagination, but I think it's because when we focus on the "inside", things don't come together.
In America, where so many different races and values cannot be compared to Japan, instead of asking, "How do you feel about the team? They decided to set the standard. In other words, it was the only way forward.
E)
13)
Until now, the Japanese probably had a strong premise that "everyone should have the same inner self". That's why I could make it a problem of "inner self" instead of "behaviour".
14)
The Red and White Singing Contest on New Year's Eve topped the ratings in 1963 with 81.4% and had been in the 70% range for a long time. At that time, we weren't so different from each other, even if we were talking about "inside".
We all believed that we saw the same things, thought the same things and felt the same things (although some people were different).
F)
15)
But now the ratings are in the low 30s, more people are watching other TV programmes, and more people are watching videos on the Internet instead of TV, and the "inside" has diversified. (I don't want to talk too long, so I will explain it roughly in the name of diversification in the Red and White Singing Contest. Please understand).
16)
Even though reality is changing, I think the habit of thinking that makes the "inside" the problem remains. And it's starting to creak here and there, and that's why I think it's better to focus on "behaviour" rather than "inside".
Tron-san. I've been explaining this long, but do you understand what I'm trying to say?
I think "having a discriminatory feeling in my heart" and "giving little ugly things to the visually handicapped person" is entirely different.
17)
The former is internal, and the latter is a behaviour (of course, the manager's "implicit disgust" is also a behaviour).
It says "ordered simultaneously", but I don't think it's possible to say that it's so simultaneous that there's not even a 0.1-second error. If that's the case, the ordering principle should be to deliver the items ordered (even 0.1 seconds earlier) to the person who called first.
When I talk about this, some people say, "Is Mr Kougami recommending 'Pretending to obey but secretly betraying'?"
Pretending to obey but secretly betraying (someone):
Appear to be obedient on the surface, but oppose inwardly.
18)
What I'm proposing is 'practical wisdom for life'.
You can't see the 'inside' if you argue with what you can't see, "the loudest" or "the most determined" wins. In other words, it's a world of "what you say wins".
As King Lear's eldest and second daughters talk, like the third daughter, if you try to be sincere in your words, your "inside" looks very weak.
19)
Whether we like it or not, we Japanese are becoming more and more diverse, so I think that if we continue to question our "inner selves" and seek reassurance, it will cause division and disunity instead.
G)
20)
That's why we must move from questioning "within" to examining "behaviour".
I wrote about America, but Western culture is moving in this direction. Of course, that means we have to change.
21)
I realised that asking each person, "How are things going inside? Do you like them? Do you hate them? Do you discriminate?" will only create division and intolerance. I changed. This is the wisdom chosen to survive wisely.
22)
This way of thinking is easy to accept for those who are struggling in the business world.
This way of thinking is easy to accept for those who are struggling in the business scene. I think it's because they both hate each other, but when working together as a business is more profitable, they don't care about each other's "inside".
(Of course, the best relationship is one in which everyone respects and accepts each other. However, when that is not the case, there are many times when you can't say, "Well then, I'm quitting.")
23)
Also, Tron-san. If you focus on the "inside", as Tron-san advises, the harder you work, the more you will hate yourself. You will be "very depressed".
24)
However, if you think that "behaviour" is the problem, not "inside, " you will feel better. If you keep blaming yourself, you may eventually think, "I don't want to be around people who make me feel like this. Why are there people like that?"
25)
But for now, if you think it's OK not to say anything in your attitude or words, you can take it calmly. And I think I can afford to stare at "Why is this feeling happening to me" and "What is this feeling?
Tron-san, how is it? Don't overthink or hate yourself; I recommend a way of life that distinguishes between "inner" and "outer".
On the premise that "discrimination will never go away," Shoji Kokami recommended a 55-year-old customer service woman who hates herself for her discriminatory feelings.
Shoji Kokami's Cheerful Life Counseling - Prescription for living comfortably in the stifling "world."
https://dot.asahi.com/articles/-/14433?page=1