The power of forgiveness

REACH メソッドは、自分に悪いことをした人に対して残る悪い感情を克服する方法を教えます。(English) The REACH method teaches how to overcome lingering bad feelings toward someone who did you wrong.

The power of forgiveness

//Summary - Level-C2//

Forgiveness, both decisional and emotional, can significantly improve mental health and life satisfaction, according to Dr Tyler VanderWeele of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Decisional forgiveness involves consciously replacing ill will with goodwill, while emotional forgiveness entails moving away from negative feelings. Practising small acts of forgiveness in daily life can help manage negative reactions. The REACH method (Recall, Empathise, Altruistic Gift, Commit, Hold) is a structured approach to forgiveness, promoting understanding, empathy, self-reflection, commitment, and resilience in the face of recurring memories.

1)

Almost everyone has experienced being wronged by someone. It could be a former colleague, a friend or a family member. But holding on to those negative feelings can damage your health.

"Forgiving a person who has wronged you is never easy, but dwelling on these events and reliving them can fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger," says Dr Tyler VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. "But when you learn to forgive, the past actions of others no longer trap you, and you can finally feel free."

2)

Learning to let go

There are two sides to forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness involves a conscious decision to replace ill will with goodwill. "You no longer wish bad things to happen to that person," says Dr VanderWeele. "This is often quicker and easier to achieve."

Emotional forgiveness involves moving away from those negative feelings and no longer dwelling on the wrongdoing. "Emotional forgiveness is much harder and takes longer because it's common for these feelings to return regularly," says Dr VanderWeele. "This often happens when you think about the offender, or something triggers the memory, or you are still suffering from the negative consequences of the action."

3)

The practice of forgiveness can have potent health benefits. Observational studies and randomised trials suggest that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety and hostility, less substance abuse, higher self-esteem and greater life satisfaction. But forgiving people is not always easy.

"It's not that men can't forgive, but for some, it's more of a struggle," says Dr VanderWeele. It's unclear why, but perhaps these men have learned to suppress certain emotions. "It can also be difficult for men to admit to themselves that there was this big offence that still bothers them," says Dr VanderWeele.

4)

Practice small acts of forgiveness

One way to become more comfortable with forgiveness is to practice small acts of forgiveness in everyday life, says Dr Tyler VanderWeele. For example, if someone is rude or cuts you off in traffic, use the moment to acknowledge the wrong, realise it wasn't directed at you, and forgive them on the spot. "In this way, you can also learn to immediately stop the negative reaction and the feelings that come with it," says Dr VanderWeele.

4)

Reach for a solution

One of the best ways to practice forgiveness is through the REACH method. REACH stands for Recall, Emphasise, Altruistic Gift, Commit and Hold. Here is a look at each step.

Recall:

The first step is to recall the wrongdoing objectively. The aim is not to think of the person in a negative light nor to wallow in self-pity but to come to a clear understanding of the wrong that has been done. Next, visualise the person and the situation and all the feelings involved. Don't push anything aside, especially if it makes you angry or upset.

5)

Empathise:

Next, try to understand the other person's point of view as to why they hurt you, but without minimising or trivialising the wrong that was done. For example, sometimes the evil was not personal but due to something the other person was dealing with. "People who attack others are sometimes in a state of fear, worry and hurt themselves," says Dr VanderWeele. "They often don't think when hurting others and lash out."

6)

Give altruistically:

This step is about looking at your shortcomings. For example, think of a time when you treated someone harshly and were forgiven. How did that make you feel? Recognising this helps you realise that forgiveness is a generous gift you can give others.

Commit:

Commit to forgive. For example, write about your forgiveness in a journal or a letter you don't send or tell a friend. "This helps with the decision side of forgiveness," says Dr VanderWeele.

7)

Hold on:

Finally, hold on to your forgiveness. This step is difficult because memories of the event will often come back. "Forgiveness is not an erasure," says Dr VanderWeele. "It's about changing your response to those memories."

When bad feelings arise, remind yourself that you have forgiven and won't suit the offender. Then, if necessary, revisit your commitment by reading your diary entries or letters or remembering your conversation with a friend.

//New words//

1. Lingering: Remaining or staying on.

Example: After the party, a lingering smell of barbecue remained in the backyard.

2. Dwelling: Continuously thinking or worrying about something.

Example: She was dwelling on her argument with her friend earlier in the day.

3. Hostility: Unfriendliness or opposition.

Example: The hostility between the two rival football teams was palpable.

4. Substance abuse: Overindulgence in or dependence on an addictive substance, especially alcohol or drugs.

Example: Substance abuse can lead to severe health and social problems.

5. Admit: Confess to be accurate or to be the case.

Example: He finally admitted that he had made a mistake.

6. Altruistic gift: A gift intended to benefit others without expecting anything in return.

Example: Donating to a charity anonymously can be considered an altruistic gift.

7. Wallow: Indulge straightforwardly in something that creates a pleasurable sensation, often self-pity.

Example: After the breakup, he spent weeks wallowing in self-pity.

8. Self-pity: Excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's troubles.

Example: She was filled with self-pity after losing her job.

9. Harshly: Severely or cruelly.

Example: The teacher harshly criticised the student's mistake.

10. Erasure: The removal or obliteration of written or printed matter, especially by drawing a line.

Example: The erasure of the incorrect answer left a smudge on the paper.

11. Arise: Emerge; become apparent.

Example: If any issues arise during your shift, please contact your supervisor immediately.

//Discussion//

1. Do you believe it is possible to forgive and forget if someone has hurt you badly? Why or why not?

-> Yes, I think it is possible. I want to believe that it is possible.

Because it is not easy to forgive the unforgivable.

We may be able to forgive things that are trivial or that go a little beyond the permissible range.

However, it is not easy for anyone to forgive, even after a certain period, something that hurt them profoundly or they thought they could never forgive.

Still, I want to believe that forgiveness is the best way for that person.

Because forgiveness allows you to take a new step forward.

You may have to think about it repeatedly and gradually increase the amount of forgiveness.

2. Would you keep a journal or a diary of your thoughts and feelings? Please explain.

-> No, I don't own a diary these days.

However, when I was young, in elementary and junior high school and my twenties, I wrote a lot of diaries.

Because someone told me that writing helps me clear my head and make me feel better.

However, I don't know if it was effective.

Diary writing at night was terrible, and I could feel myself becoming more and more negative as I wrote.

So I need to study psychology from a young age.

Instead of reading philosophical and self-help books, talking with people in various positions and occupations living in multiple generations is very effective.

It may be more effective if it is people from various countries.

You can grasp the trigger to solve your problem by having many perspectives.

3. Would you apologise if you found out you had hurt or offended someone? Please discuss.

-> Of course, I will apologise.

However, I doubt that I can always apologise immediately.

Because if you're too proud, nervous, or under a lot of stress, you might end up hurting someone because you're uncomfortable with yourself.

Of course, in the case of business situations and friends who are not very close, you need to be very careful.

However, when it comes to close friends and family, it can be easy to get loose and hurt them.

So, if you are hurt by such people, even if you think it is terrible and criticise it, you also need to understand that you are saying it because you are close.

4. Do you think it is possible to forgive someone completely? Please share your thoughts.

-> Yes, it is possible. I want to believe it's possible in the end.

If you can completely forgive someone, it may prove you are getting closer to Buddha(God or heaven).

We must forgive everyone before we die.

I think that is one of the conditions for a peaceful death.

We need to keep trying to forgive over and over again completely.

Because we are already Buddhas, and no matter what we do or do nothing, we will all become Buddhas after death, and there will be nothing before living our birth and after death.

The power of forgiveness 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness

Learning To Forgive Is Good For You 

https://nativecamp.net/textbook/page-detail/2/19724

Add info)

Q1. Please tell me about Buddha.

For example, about forgiveness.

Is it possible for a person to completely forgive someone they cannot forgive?

A1-> Buddha, or Siddhartha Gautama, was a spiritual teacher in ancient India who founded Buddhism. He is traditionally regarded as having achieved full enlightenment or becoming a "Buddha," which means "awakened one" or "enlightened one."

In Buddhism, forgiveness is an important virtue. It's seen as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness. It's about letting go of negative emotions that harm you more than the person who hurt you.

The Buddha taught that anger is like holding onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else — you are the one who gets burned. This teaching encourages people to let go of their anger and resentment, not for the other person's benefit, but for their peace of mind and happiness.

As for whether it's possible to forgive someone ultimately, Buddhism would suggest that it is. However, practising forgiveness is a process that might take time and patience. It's not about forgetting the harm done or excusing the behaviour but about freeing oneself from resentment and anger.

However, it's important to note that forgiveness in Buddhism doesn't necessarily mean reconciling with the offender or condoning the actions. It's more about finding peace and liberating oneself from the cycle of anger and resentment.

In essence, Buddhism encourages individuals to cultivate a heart of forgiveness as part of their spiritual development. It's a journey that requires compassion, understanding, and a genuine desire to alleviate suffering for oneself and others.

Q2. What steps should I take to obtain the following?

Please tell me how and why in 5 steps simply.

"This teaching encourages people to let go of their anger and resentment, not for the other person's benefit, but for their own peace of mind and happiness."

A2->

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step is to acknowledge your anger and resentment. Feeling these emotions is okay; they are a natural response to being hurt. However, ignoring or suppressing them can lead to more harm than good. Therefore, understanding your feelings is the first step towards managing them.

2. Understand the Cause: Understand why you feel this way. What specific event or action caused these feelings? Understanding the cause can help you address the issue directly and prevent similar situations in the future.

3. Practice Empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. This doesn't mean you must agree with their actions, but understanding their perspective can help diffuse your anger and resentment.

4. Forgive: Forgiveness is a conscious decision. It doesn't mean forgetting what happened or excusing the other person's actions. Instead, it means letting go of the resentment and anger that harm you more than the person who hurt you.

5. Focus on Positivity: Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on the positive aspects of your life. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that make you happy. Surround yourself with positive influences. This can help you move forward and find peace and happiness.

Remember, these steps are not a one-time solution. Instead, they are a process that you might need to repeat. The goal is not to eliminate all negative feelings but to manage them so they don't control your life.

Q3. How can I let go of resentment and anger?

For example, please tell me what three ways there are.

"It doesn't mean forgetting what happened or excusing the other person's actions. Instead, it means letting go of the resentment and anger that harm you more than the person who hurt you."

A3->

Letting go of resentment and anger can be a challenging process, but here are three strategies that might help:

1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It can help you become more aware of your anger and resentment, making it easier to manage these emotions. In addition, meditation, particularly loving-kindness or forgiveness meditations, can help you release these negative emotions and replace them with more positive ones.

2. Express Your Feelings Constructively: Bottling up feelings can increase resentment and anger. Instead, find a constructive way to express these feelings. This could be talking to a trusted friend or therapist, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities like painting or music. Expressing your feelings can provide a release and help you gain perspective.

3. Seek Professional Help: If your resentment and anger are overwhelming and you're struggling to manage them alone, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapies like cognitive-behavioural therapy can provide you with strategies to change your thought patterns and reduce your anger and resentment.

Remember, it's normal to feel anger and resentment, but holding onto these feelings can harm your mental and physical health. Therefore, letting go of these negative emotions is essential for your well-being.

Q4. I think the following is an excellent solution. How does listening to or playing music affect our bodies and minds?

"This could be talking to a trusted friend or therapist, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities like painting or music."

A4->

Music has a profound effect on both our bodies and minds. Here's how:

1. Emotional Impact: Music can evoke many emotions, from joy and happiness to sadness and nostalgia. It can help us process our feelings and express emotions that we might find difficult to articulate.

2. Stress Relief: Music can be incredibly relaxing and help reduce stress. It slows the pulse and heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and decreases levels of stress hormones.

3. Improved Focus: Certain types of music, like classical or instrumental, can improve concentration and productivity. It can provide a rhythm that guides your brain into a more conducive state to work or study.

4. Physical Activity: Playing an instrument or singing requires physical activity, which can release endorphins, the body's natural 'feel-good' hormones. Dancing to music also provides a good form of exercise.

5. Therapeutic Benefits: Music therapy is used in various settings to help people deal with physical and emotional health problems. It can help reduce pain, improve mood, and promote healing.

6. Social Connection: Music can unite people, fostering community and belonging. Whether playing in a band, singing in a choir, or just listening to music with friends, these shared experiences can create strong social bonds.

Music can be a powerful tool for promoting mental and physical well-being. Whether you're listening to your favourite songs or playing an instrument, music can provide a source of comfort and joy.