Why talking to strangers can make us smarter

2022年11月02日

私たちの多くは、疑わしい世界で見知らぬ人と交流することに消極的です。しかし、会ったことのない人と話すことは、たとえすれ違いのやり取りであっても、私たちをより賢く、より幸せにすることができます。見知らぬ人と話をすることで、人間の気が遠くなるような複雑さと、人間の経験の無限の多様性を垣間見ることができます。ありふれた言葉ですが、他人の目から世界を見ることができ、それなしには知恵を得ることはできません。(English) Many of us are reluctant to interact with strangers in a suspicious world. But talking to people we've never met before, even in passing interactions, can make us wiser and happier. By talking to strangers, you get a glimpse of the mind-boggling complexity of the human species and the infinite variety of human experiences. It's a cliché, but you get to see the world from the eyes of another, without which wisdom is impossible.

Why talking to strangers can make us smarter.

Many of us are reluctant to interact with strangers in a suspicious world.

But talking to people we've never met before, even in passing interactions, can make us wiser and happier.

Like many people who grew up in America in the 1980s, I was raised to fear strangers.

While there is no doubt that some people have traumatic experiences with strangers, "stranger danger" lacked any factual statistical basis.

Then, most sexual and violent crimes against children are committed by people known to the victim: relatives, neighbors, and family friends.

For several years, I researched why we don't talk to strangers and what happens when we do for my book, The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World.

I learned this: we miss a lot by being afraid of strangers. Talking to strangers - under the right conditions - is good for us, our neighborhoods, our towns and cities, our nations, and our world.

Talking to strangers can teach you things, deepen you, and make you a better citizen, thinker, and person.

It's an excellent way to live. But it's more than that. In a rapidly changing, infinitely complex, furiously polarised world, it's a way to survive.

For over 6,000 years, humans have lived in cities - a form of social organization characterized by a superabundance of strangers.

But only recently have psychologists begun studying what happens when we talk to all these faceless strangers we're surrounded by daily.

In 2013, psychologists Gillian Sandstrom published the result of an experiment in which they had 30 adults smiled. They talked to their barista at a coffee shop in Toronto, and 30 more made their transactions as efficient as possible.

The study participants who interacted when buying their coffee reported feeling a stronger sense of belonging and an improved mood than those who didn't talk to strangers.

Also, Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley asked commuters to talk to strangers on mass transit, in taxis, and waiting rooms.

Wary of violating a social norm, they worried the stranger would resent the intrusion and reject them, and their commutes would be even more unpleasant than they already were.

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When the participants engaged with people, however, they found the strangers surprisingly receptive, curious, and pleasant.

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On the contrary, the participants who talked to strangers reported that the conversations were enjoyable and exciting and lasted longer than they had predicted, making their commutes more enjoyable.

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Since then, the result has been repeated in other countries involving diverse participants.

The findings of these studies have been remarkably consistent: many people dread talking to strangers, but when they do, they tend to come away feeling good: happier, less lonely, more optimistic, and more empathetic.

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Still, there are many reasons why people feel uncomfortable talking to strangers.

People report being worried about violating a social norm, fearing that they will be bad at talking or won't have anything to say, or being anxious about talking to someone from another group and being attacked or saying the wrong thing.

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Despite their varied backgrounds and experiences, they mostly report the same positive effects in the research literature.

But I wouldn't presume to suggest that these interactions are the same for anyone, and in no way do I dismiss the concerns of people who have had traumatic experiences with strangers.

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Additionally, I strongly suggest that men in my position be mindful of this when chatting with strangers.

Sandstrom gives some more advice for talking to someone you don't know; ask an open question to get them to speak first, and then reply with something you have in common - there's a reason we default to talking about the weather.

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According to Harvard University professor MacArthur, talking to strangers can make us wiser, more worldly, and more empathetic.

While teaching at the University of Chicago, colleagues repeatedly warned Allen to stay away from the poorer side of town.

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She believes this "fear of strangers was eroding many intellectual and social capacities."

She declined to stay away and did some of her most admired work in those neighborhoods.

She has since devoted her career to fostering connections between people and groups that otherwise would not interact.

"Real knowledge of what's outside one's garden cures fear," Allen writes, "but only by talking to strangers can we come by such knowledge."

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By talking to strangers, you get a glimpse of the mind-boggling complexity of the human species and the infinite variety of human experiences.

It's a cliché, but you get to see the world from the eyes of another, without which wisdom is impossible.

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But it's not easy. You will constantly have to revisit your assumptions about the world and your place in it, which can be challenging and disorienting but also exhilarating and entertaining.

It's how we come to know each other, and only in understanding each other can we ever hope to live together.

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Ironically, after being raised to fear strangers, I now find them a source of hope.

When these interactions go well, the positive perception of the stranger can generalize into better feelings about people.

I base my perception of the world mainly on them, and as a result of talking to strangers, my outlook is a little more optimistic.

When talking to strangers, she says, "the positives vastly outweigh the negatives."

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We're trying to empower children to make safe and intelligent decisions, not scar them for life.

What can I say? It's a good start.

Postscript

When I talk to strangers, it will be on weekends, at the local shopping street, and with older adults.

Or it would be in a department clothing store, cosmetics store, or coffee shop.

I can feel that I belong to that society.

For example, talking with older adults in public bathhouses, cafes, and ancient Japanese restaurants is very interesting.

Otherwise, I rarely talk to strangers.

I would not talk to strangers on the train, in the elevator, or during weekday shopping.

Because they are busy, I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

And parents would instruct their children not to talk to strangers.

It is because a stranger could still be a criminal.

We should be careful when and if we talk to strangers.

Then we need to gain wisdom and courage from strangers.